Sshh, sshh, sshh...

I did something last night that I haven't gotten to do in over a year; I bounced Alexis to sleep. See, for Alexis' first year of life I would hold her in my arms in a cradle hold and bounce lightly on the side of my bed with her to get her to sleep. I would say "ssh, ssh, ssh" on beat when she was particularly upset. Well last night she was just 'out of sorts' and couldn't get herself to sleep. So as a last ditch effort I pulled out "the bounce." And it worked. And it made me miss having my little baby :( And it made me realize just how big she is when her legs were hanging over the ends of my arms!

This reminds me of how sad I was a day or two ago when mom gave me Alexis' swim bag and back-up diaper bag I had at her house. Oh my it was so freakin' sad. There were the tiny little suits and a bottle and spoon and more. There were all these reminders of my tiny baby that is no more. It was so sad. I had to stop looking at the stuff and put it away for another day. I'm such a big baby!

Reflections

I love reflecting at the end of the year; I love looking back and seeing where I've grown and where I see myself going in the future. I won't go into details but I feel I have learned the most about friendships and about acceptance of who I am. At the beginning of last year I experienced some harsh realizations when it comes to some women I had in my life as "friends." I was shocked (apparently I am naive to such things) at just how catty and judgemental some people can be. I was so hurt that it took me a good couple of months to not get upset over little things directed towards me and I HATE that. I so wish, and fear I probably never will be, that I was one of those people who could just let things roll off of my back and forget about how hurt I might feel. I am just too darn sensitive; a baby, one might say ;) It was difficult to 'take the high road' if you will and not do the same bad mouthing that I knew was going on but you know, several people advised me that the truth would come out eventually and I can begin to see that it has. I can't say it wasn't easy sitting back and not defending myself sometimes but I learned a great deal from that one exercise alone.

This decision also really helped lead me to begin to try and just be a better person overall. To seek God's will and direction and most of all, strength. I also really learned a lot about the people that I had around me that were better friends than I gave them credit for. I have really tried to let those people know just how much I do care for them and to apologize for not realizing it before. I actually have gratitude towards those that caused me the pain b/c in spite of them I am happier in my life!

I can't wait to make old friendships even stronger and to learn how I can be a better person and friend in the meantime this upcoming year. Who would think that at ALMOST 30 I would still be having to figure this stuff out??

Ouch!

I did not sleep well last night. It appears my husband and daughter did as they are the two still sleeping while I am awake, on a morning I could sleep in if I so desired. We all fell asleep on Alexis' full size mattress last night in her room. Why in the world I didn't just get up and come into our bed remains a mystery. I am now sore and a tad irritable-too bad there is no one awake with whom I can share this great mood...haha. I was the one that got stuck on the outside with the tiny bit of comforter to cover me as well. A queen barely holds us all-why would a full? Ok, vent over.

Going to try and get some pics of Alexis today. I am going to try Sears. The theory is we have the first appt. of the day, no outside distractions (like seeing all the children running around and playing), and, hopefully, no waiting. My mom reminded me she purchased a frame specifically for Alexis' Christmas picture again last night. I hope this goes well. If not, I will be looking for a friend that does great photo shopping and will give that a go!

And since I didn't blog about it, we had a great Christmas with my family. It was a wonderful time spent eating and visiting together. We were blessed with many nice gifts.

I have been reflecting lately, as it seems most do at the close of the year, over the past year; I feel that I have grown so much in 2008, learned so much...stay tuned for elaboration of these feelings and insights ;)

I go bye-bye!

Gone are the days of getting great shots of Alexis. She is just too fast and too impatient. Out of 100 clicks of the camera you are lucky to get 5 good shots. So I decided to press my luck and schedule a time to get some Christmas portraits of her done. I should have stuck with my gut instict. To start things off, for the first time in 2 years she had a bad hair day! The child has never had static like she did this day, her pigtails stuck out like she had stuck her finger in a light socket and then when I went for the hair-down option, she looked like a wild mess. I felt like a stage mom when I used my best friend Lisa's hair iron to try and straighten her hair. It still didn't do much good. So we head to Portrait Innovations. Had never been there, went on recommendation and b/c it was going to be cheaper than the regular photographer I like, oh and b/c they could get me in on such late notice!

In the 5 minute ride from Lisa's house to PI Alexis falls asleep-this isn't good. I get there and wake her up. It is a mad house in there. Kids and parents running everywhere. Alexis makes some friends with about 2 other children her age all of who have the "MINE" complex over the legos. Finally it is our turn (about 30 minutes after our appt. time). We go in. There is the photographer and her friend with the dog on her head which is supposed to entertain my child. Alexis says "NO!" and tries to bolt. This is repeated oh 10 times with Lisa and I catching her and bringing her back. Finally she is in the photographer's face, (who is on the floor at her level) crying and saying "No, no. I go bye-bye please." It was so sad and a little fustrating I might add.

We have an appt. on friday to try once more. I hope next year is easier.

Catching up. (Sunday)

Now onto Sunday!

Sunday I made some more chex mix and my cookies for that evening's cookie exchange. I had been looking for a new and different recipe to share and was given one by a friend. I ended up making Red Velvet Christmas cookies. They were very simple and everyone loved them-great combo! I also made individual bags of the chex mix for everyone. I helped Jose Luis off and on for about 5 hours on the playset which STILL isn't completely finished but only lacks a few more hours. Alexis now can tell what it is and begs to go outside and play. It sucks that it has been soooo cold lately.

The cookie exchange was SO much fun. I had a great time with some great ladies. We had great food but the best part was our time socializing and talking about anything and everything! It was a great night away and was so relaxing. It was also so very needed for me. It was the perfect amount of people and the perfect mix of personalities. I am so glad I was invited and able to go. As a bonus, I got tons more cookies to add to my evergrowing collection!

It has been awhile.

It has been about a week since I last made a post but that's b/c so much has been going on in my life-yay for excitement! Actually, it can get to be tiring sometimes but I'm glad for each and every experience. Some hi-lites:

*Work Christmas Party*

Including the Dr. and his wife, there are 5 of us total so our "party" was held at Firebirds. I love Firebirds! I had the Sesame Encrusted Salmon with ginger mustard aioli, Parmesan mashed potatoes, and fried spinach. It was really a great meal accompanied with a few glasses of my favorite wine, Pinot Grigio, it was perfect! The special gift at the end was presented this way: We were given a small gift bag. First, instructed to open the gold box. In the box was an American Express gift card with which we were told we could use the $$ to spend on whatever we wanted, whenever. Then we were instructed to open the brown box. In that box was a gift card to the mall (the restaurant is adjacent to the mall). We were told that we HAD to spend that amount on us AND we had to do it in the next hour, meeting back to share our purchases! It was such a great gesture b/c you know darn well I probably wouldn't have used any of the $$ on myself. While it was very hard to be inspired to purchase clothing with my (2) size 2 co-workers, I was finally able to make a purchase. It was a very great night, I had a wonderful time.

*Making cookies*

One of my best friends and I, and all the kiddos got together Saturday morning to make Christmas cookies. I had already made 2 batches of sugar cookies, some chocolate chip cookies, batch of chex mix and some brownies before they got there! We had a great time making cookies although somehow the kids ended up playing more than helping us. But it was fun nonetheless. I wish we would have had even more time to do more decorating. She ended up leaving rather quickly, so fast that we both totally forgot to package her cookies to take home so I had all of them here that evening! I dropped them off to her the next day as I couldn't be trusted with that many cookies in my house and I was sure they were going crazy knowing they had made all those cookies only to leave them! I hope to continue the cookie making Christmas tradition and will plan it a little better next time.

*Victor and Sharon's party*

That evening we attended a party at our friend's home in Stanly (over an hour away). We had to make a pit-stop at Old Navy on the way there to get my husband a new pair of dark jeans as he has ruined his (suprise, suprise) painting the day before...don't get me started on that! So, I ran in and got them as I am the faster shopper and Alexis was asleep. Then I got to drive while he hurridly changed in the back-thank God we have very dark tinted windows and a lot of room in the back! The party was super nice and they are great people. The only problem was that Alexis was the only young child and the house was definitely not Alexis-proof. Couple that with the fact that Sharon showed Alexis the puppy in the basement and that was the only place she wanted to be, and you have a situation where it was very hard for both of us to socialize well! We took turns tending to Alexis and held up about 4 hours! Everyone enjoyed her but man it can tire you out quickly. Next time, we'll take an evening for ourselves we decided.

Perhaps an unpopular view.

Let me preface this by saying that my daughter does not go without, whether that be related to life's necessities or a bunch of toys (read: junk that litters the house). She is very privileged and could probably stand to lose about half of that which is in her room; oftentimes we reflect that she probably has too much. I say all of this to say that I probably hold an unpopular view of how a 2 year old, or especially even younger, child should "experience" Christmas. I will acknowledge that Alexis has wants; she knows how to ask for things or if not, how to moan, jump, point, or do a "point and jump dance" - you know the one?? The thing is: I strongly feel that I am not a bad mother or depriving her of anything by not making a huge deal out of what great toys I can get her for Christmas. In fact, if I am being brutally truthful, I feel that there are some parents who make a huge production out of this more for the "show-off factor" than anything. A child would be overjoyed with a roll of bubble wrap, heck I'd be overjoyed with that-I love the stuff! Yes, my daughter does love gifts, she loves unwrapping them too. She will have some things for Christmas but seriously I am not going to break the bank or go crazy when she gets and has what she wants all year. One exception that I note is that should a child have older siblings, it would be rather difficult to shield the younger child b/c as children age they unfortunately are going to get "caught up" in the hype no matter how much you think you've taught them differently! I honestly don't think bad of parents that purchase things for their children, I know how fun it is to shop!!! I don't think *all* parents have a complex or do it to show off; however, I do challenge them to take a step back and think about the necessity and reasoning behind it all. I just don't think that you are a bad parent if you don't *go present shopping crazy* and this isn't me trying to 'make myself feel better' for how I feel...just for the record!

Top Chef

I love this show! I openly acknowledge that my culinary knowledge is in no way superior to any "common" cook but I do like to pretend ;) My top three favorites of the moment are Fabio, Leah and Jamie. Fabio: an obvious favorite...OMG boy is dreamy! Love the accent, love his food, love his humor, love his cute face and he dresses nice as well (reminds of this guy I dated in college named Andrea from Bologna who I just couldn't date anymore b/c his name was my middle name amongst other things!). He's a tad cocky but somehow you don't mind. Leah: I think Leah is solid. I think she is humble and just a great overall cook. She doesn't go all crazy but is very smart about what she does. Jamie: about to get knocked out of my top 3 and that is just b/c every once in awhile her cockiness hits me wrong but I also think she is a pretty good cook.

Real quick: I also like Stefan too for some reason-thought it was so funny his comment about his ex-wife, how he "married and divorced that chick twice". Ariane winning over and over makes me want to throw something at the television. Something about Carla irritates me and I am hoping Melissa is the next to go.

I just love Bravo's reality shows; they're my fav! But because I am nice, I'll save you a blog about The Real Housewives!!

The more we work together.

Yesterday Jose Luis and I decided to work on the wooden playhouse portion of Alexis' swingset together. There aren't tons of things I am good at but reading directions and following them is one thing I *am* good at. I have a husband who likes to look at the picture and go from there. Talk about driving me crazy! So we are on Step 10 of this huge playset; I think there are 28 more steps. I tell my husband how we need to install the cedar siding. I take him outside to show him how we want it to look exactly like the siding on our house. He doesn't think the picture reflects what I am saying. So we do one whole side...then he sees! Of course I never got a "Oh wow honey, you were right!" Hell wasn't going to freeze over yesterday or any other day I predict by hearing those words uttered from his mouth :) We finally got to a great stopping point. I really do enjoy working with Jose Luis but man, is he stubborn! Luckily Alexis going up and down her small play things while we worked tired her out and she fell asleep at 7 never to wake until this morning-un milagro.

Later last night I also was able to finally make a Christmas list for my mom. Two items on there prompted my brother-in-law to make this statement on my Facebook wall: Trevor wrote at 9:16pm wow...I was just informed about your Christmas list and it's possibly the most disgusting one I've ever heard of. Congrats on the milestone. This had me laughing. So what could be so disgusting you might ask? I'll share the links :) and then if you have any questions I will be happy to give you insight as to why these products are so much better for you and why you should promptly switch!

**WARNING-GIRLY PRODUCT STUFF!**

http://us.clothpadshop.com/product.php?VP=641 (an example)

http://organicpharmacy.org/products/The.DivaCup.-.Model.2

You're invited...

To my pity party that is :(

I feel like I am just in somewhat of a "funk" lately. I hate it. I feel like I have so much to do, no time to do it in, and then when something doesn't get done I spend too much time beating myself over it, the other stuff doesn't get done. You get the cyclical pattern?? I haven't gotten Christmas cards together (coming close to nixing that for this year), haven't even gotten a start really on Christmas shopping (wish I could nix that but know I'll be getting everything last minute-ugh) and I've been meaning to schedule an appt. for Christmas pics for Alexis (going to do that hopefully tomorrow b/c if I nix that there will be people looking for me!). Everyone keeps asking me what I want for Christmas...I have no clue! I don't know what I want, don't even know what I need. What I need, I suppose, is a day all to myself (oh, and lipo if that is an option). When I do have a day free it is never totally free. I miss my time with Alexis so much and therefore any time with her is precious. Oh, and I feel so fat! Ok, I'm stopping this whiney blog...I'm getting even more depressed.

10 good things (to offset the negativity of above post):

1. Alexis pooped on the potty.
2. Jose Luis is finally going to get the monstrosity of a playset finished *if* the rain stops, this weekend.
3. My best friend and her family finally have all their family under their roof-an awesome answer to prayers!
4. I have a wonderful family and super friends.
5. The tostadas we had for dinner tonight were super yummy.
6. The weekend is only 1 day away.
7. I think there is a bottle of wine in the kitchen, enough for a glass or two....
8. I got a good dent in the cleaning and laundry today.
9. All of the Christmas tins for the big cookie baking extravaganza that will be going on next weekend have been purchased.
10. I am now feeling a little better!

Sewing Machine

A lovely lady posted an older model Singer machine on RowanRecycle. She wanted you to e-mail her with your favorite Christmas memory. I had to think fast and get mine in...here's what won (yay!):



Oh I would love this! I have been wanting to learn to sew so badly.

Ok, so my best Christmas memory is this (and I am sure there are many, possibly better ones, but I thought of this first):

My mother has always been the only one to buy our Christmas gifts. My father is a wonderful father but he's not really into shopping-you know the type??!! Well one year, I think it was the year before we moved down here from NY, my father decided to go out and get each of us 3 children a gift. I still don't know to this day why he chose that year. I got a mouse that had velcro arms hugging a baby mouse. They were even wrapped. It meant so much to me that he had chosen that present especially for me. As you can tell I am definitely a daddy's girl :) Anyways, I know this probably means more to me than is being portrayed in this email but it mostly comes from just knowing the man I am speaking of!

Thanks for considering me...I think it is wonderful you are wanting to pass along this machine-I promise to love it! Maryann

I really do hope to learn how to sew sometime in the very near future. I promised to make the woman that gave me the machine something, although I told her I didn't know just how far in the future that would be and could not make any promises as to the quality of what she might receive!

As for crocheting, I now have one baby blanket and one scarf going. The scarf started getting a little wonky in shape (beginners trial and error I suppose!) so I got bored and started on the blanket.

Caca

I feel that I should be slightly embarrassed that my daughter refers to any bodily function as "caca." We will be working on that and just for the record, her father thought it funny over a year ago so he's responsible for that one! BUT the good news is: she told me when and went 3 times today on her potty! OMG I am so surprised. See, I procrastinated on buying her a potty. I didn't want her, or I, to develop a complex about potty learning (thanks to an old friend who scared me with regards to said process). Alexis turned 2 last week and I also began noticing that every child around her already had seen a potty, so now she has one! I am hurriedly scouring the internet to find her some cloth trainers...do they even make panties (did I just say panties?) in her size? I have no clue why but this is really making me feel like she's getting so big, I really enjoy cloth diapering and having my little girl still being a "little girl". I am probably the only mother in history lamenting the fact that one day soon I may lose the diaper bag!

On the Farm

I know it may sound crazy, I know I have friends worried if I'll ever shave my legs again (haha) but I really want to live on a farm! I'm serious about this. As soon as the market is more favorable we would love to sell our house and buy some land. I already looked into it, and any and all livestock are not permitted in our neighborhood-had to go buy a copy of the bylaws from the courthouse-that was an adventure. I recognize I am not an expert in this "field" but I am currently trying to learn all I can AND I have my Dad. He grew up on a farm and shares my current interest. Even if we don't move by the Spring, which it's likely we won't, we have big plans for a huge garden and canning thereafter. Jose Luis graciously cleared a big area at the back of our current property for said garden (only 1.5 years after he promised to do so). Not only are current food prices sometimes a tad scary but the idea of being able to be self sustaining as much as possible is super interesting, smart and has so many benefits for me and my family. I would love to be able to have Alexis grow up with a greater appreciation and understanding of nature than I did. I also love talking with my father about all we could, can, and will do in the future. I think it would be something my parents would love as well. Anyways, I got rid of any overalls I had years ago and won't be buying any real soon but hopefully I'll have myself a real live egg laying chicken, bountiful garden and some fresh milk one day! Oh, and at least for the moment ;) I plan on keeping my legs hair free!

Operation Christmas Child

I had the privilege of volunteering at Operation Christmas Child yesterday and am so glad I was able to do so. I have wanted to do this for years and finally got the opportunity. I was sitting on the phone line the day they opened for volunteers and kept calling and calling until I got through...then I roped the people here at the office to participate too ;) It was great. We got to work with a lovely, ornary lady from NY (now living in FL) and 3 of her group. While her personality "rubbed" some of my co-workers the wrong way, I just loved hearing her talk...makes me think of how my grandparent(s) and older family from NY might be were they here now even though I never really knew them. Anyways, if you ever decide to make a shoebox I will tell you that including a picture and a letter is such a great blessing; I could tell this just from the way reading/seeing the messages brought a tear to my eye, more than once. One young girl wrote: "...I will pray for you everyday. You are my brother in Christ and that means we are like brothers and sisters even if we are far away from each other..." How incredibly sweet and touching. The whole organization was so well run and I felt so blessed to be able and give of my time. There were people there from over 20 states just during the time we were there (that were recognized) and many had traveled there to work all week long. While you may think that it sounds like easy work, oh my, I was tired afterwards just from standing on my feet for 4 hours straight on the concrete and lifting up the shoe boxes to the stand...I do note that I could also probably not be in the best of shape :) I plan on making some shoe boxes next year. BTW they have a great need for Boy and Girl ages 10-14 boxes should you be interested. What an awesome ministry.



Crocheting update (b/c I know you are dying to know): I have the makings of a pretty awesome scarf coming along! I am enjoying spending time each night just crocheting; it is very calming and somewhat therapeutic.



We seem to finally be getting over the never-ending cold "thing" and for that I am happy. Alexis' dry cough when I am trying to sleep got old after oh, like 3 hours and then Jose Luis' sniffing on top of it....but I just love them so much; I am so fortunate to have them in my life.

That place.

Ever have a place that you hold as being "the place" that epitomizes what you hold true? Chapel Hill is that place for me. I have found myself thinking of my time there so much lately. What do I miss? It isn't the college atmosphere/life so much (although one night of dancing or a frat party and late night visit to Time Out *might* be kind of neat!)...it's the life apart from that that I got to experience during the summers and when I taught at the Montessori school. I miss how everyone is so laid back, the way it is hard to easily distinguish between who is "rich", who is "poor." I miss the level of acceptance you find there...whether it be race, religion or beliefs. I miss the people and the sights and the smells. Now, why don't we move there? Well it isn't the "place" for me and my family-I don't really see us ever living there in all honestly. It is more like somewhere I revisit mostly when I feel fustrated or cornered in my current area/life. When I feel like sometimes I am struggling to, as cheesy as this sounds, be who I want to be; when I feel like I am fighting sometimes against prejudices that exist. Ok, so I am not exsisting in a complete fantasy world, I just allow "that place" to be my escape, granted it had its pitfalls too ;)

Crocheting update: I made what I tried to pass off to my husband as a blanket for Alexis' tiny doll. When I gave it to her she was excited, then examined it and then promptly thru it on the floor....seems I have a tough critic to impress!

Thanks Mikey!

My project for today was to teach myself how to crochet. I went out this morning to the only place I could buy any yarn...Walmart (yuck!) and got some crappy yarn, but hey, it was a start. Then I came home to revisit Mikey. I found him on youtube last night and went thru how to crochet a granny square all night in my head. (Mikey is an extremely good teacher. He goes slow but not too slow and has a nice calming voice. He also has made some pretty awesome things. I am loving me some Mikey!) Feeling so confident, I started immediately when I got home with my purple yarn and purple crochet hook (of course!). It didn't really happen for me like I had imagined...so I tried off and on all day. Here we are...8 pm and I have made my first granny square (well sort of, it kind of looks like a granny circle-I think I need to add something there at the end-but I'm on my way at least)! I let out a little happy scream which scared my husband and daughter. I'm so excited. I will have visions of blankets dancing in my head as I sleep tonight! Now I can lay off stalking the poor girl at Hancock Fabrics to teach me how to knit! I still want to knit though, and found some instruction on that too (see: threadbangers on youtube) but I'm going to try and stick to one thing at a time. I've enclosed a pic for your pleasure ;)

Btw I have realized how much I rely on smileys to convey my sarcasm, happiness, etc. in trying to write. I wish there was an option for them here :(

Nothing to say.

Here we are...first blog. I have been wanting to blog for forever. Almost daily something will happen and I'll think, "That is so blog-worthy." (in my eyes anyways). Now as I sit here, nothing exciting and/or interesting at all to write about. Lets see: Alexis and I ventured to Food Lion for some groceries and got our free milk (I've been saving our milk tickets-I need 2 more btw to get another free gallon if anyone has any). Sad that had me excited, isn't it? I also don't realize why it is such a big deal that I don't use plastic shopping bags. I swear every time I go shopping I spend at least 5 minutes answering questions about where I get bags, why I use them and then each person giving me excuses why they haven't started "although they have wanted to for a long time" (like I really care-just do it! (oops did I say that out loud)). Just realized that as I have been setting this up Alexis has opened the lavendar lotion and decorated her shirt. Oh well! They say that lavendar has a calming effect...I'll let it sit for a moment and hopefully she'll go right down for her nap without a fuss. And now she's letting me know "no hay nada" with regards to the big glob of ranch dressing she has to have with almost every meal now-the things you SWEAR you'll never do to get your child to eat! I should be ashamed.