Where is she?

My little girl, that is. It's so bitter-sweet. I can't believe how much Alexis is growing. She is talking up a storm and the things that she picks up on and reacts to are so fascinating. We spend every night in laughter, just enjoying our daughter. I never tire of talking about her. I have to try and reel myself back in sometimes so that I don't overdo it! She's just so cool. LOL.

I don't want to jinx myself and say that normalcy may be in sight for all of us but it does feel like finally we are in a good groove. I can't wait to begin to actually plan things again for the weekends, etc. The past month has just been about getting everyone well, adjusting to new schedules and trying to keep the house clean meanwhile! While my daily schedule is totally different than just a year ago, I am happy with where my life is and the direction it is going. Now if only I could get rid of this stupid baby weight that still haunts me. Guess *everything* can't be perfect!

I am real excited about a new opportunity that has been made available at my job as well. It is a little bitter-sweet since I have really grown to enjoy the "mini-group" I directly work with and although I won't be deserting them all together, this new opportunity changes things up. I have to follow my heart and what I feel is a better move for me though. I can't wait to have more direct patient care. You know, I really didn't realize how much this job would make me miss nursing. I didn't have a clue. If I am honest I was looking at *working* as nothing more than something that would make some extra cash; I wasn't looking for something that would be emotionally draining or anything like that. Now I am beginning to look at it like if I am working why NOT love it too? I see myself beginning to challenge myself more...my view on what I thought was my view is being refocused.

Now I'm off to enjoy some quality time with the family. I couldn't sleep last night and was up super early with something heavy on my mind. Luckily that has been taken care of today and now I can hopefully get some rest. I sure need it-tomorrow is Cleaning Day!

It's only been 23 days!

How do I recap the past 3 weeks? Well, let's see...2 of them were mostly spent with me or Alexis being sick. I think that I have successfully contracted every illness that every child in Rowan County brought to the office to share with me. Lets just say there is no skipping the Vit C or my immune defense tonic AT ALL! As an added bonus Alexis' immunity should be getting a boost as well (oh and my mom's too!). It was a miserable 2 weeks but I made it through.

So the first week I was literally too weak, sick and tired to even get on the internet. Then the 2nd week something happened with it. You know every. freakin. time. I have to call AT&T they don't know what's going on and send someone out who really doesn't know what else is going on...it just gets old. Oh and couple that with the fact I am almost in tears after 3 hrs of getting no where on the telephone....long story short...thank God for the Blackberry. Am now using my phone as my modem. AND if it wasn't for my Blackberry I don't know how the rest of the world would have been able to keep up with my thoughts and feelings via my Facebook updates...haha.

Something interesting happened though during "my break" from the world wide web. I actually didn't miss it too much. I did miss some of the communication with my friends and there were times when I would want to do some things or order something and I wasn't able to immediately do so but the time I got to spend with my family really made me not miss it. I have decided to impose a *limit* (if you will) on the amount of time I am on-line. I had begun to feel I lived on the computer and that just isn't or wasn't healthy for any of us. Plus, my house has looked a little cleaner and that makes me feel so much better!

Of course it also did make me realize how many things I rely on the internet for. I had to find the phone book (gasp!), I usually just look up a # on the computer...I had to pay bills over the phone (gasp!) and then of course, as if I didn't really already know that Salisbury lacks a lot...there are many things I am interested in and/or products I like that I can only find on-line. All in all it has been weird being back on the computer. It is so daunting the amount of messages in my inbox!

Busy week.

It's been a week since I've blogged and that is b/c I've been tired! It is a "good tired" I suppose, though. I started my new job on Monday. At my old job I was mostly sitting all day long and the day seemed to drag on forever. At my new job I am mostly on my feet all day and the day goes by so quickly. So the tiredness comes from my poor feet that are made to support my big butt all day long! By friday I wasn't near as tired when I got home so that is a good sign that I am getting used to the new fast pace.

I have something that I really want to blog about but don't have all my thoughts together on how I want to say it but it is something that has really come more to light at my new job. Basically just the way people treat other people. I will say this: I am a true believer that you should be kind to others. I don't mean a "fake" kind either. I decide in the morning that I am going to put a smile on my face and treat everyone in the way that I would want to be treated. Try it. You'd be amazed at the response you get from others! I can tell the difference when I get in a negative place...I attract negative people and reactions from others. The biggest change I have seen in my life is truly learning to embrace others and *kill them with kindness.* My heart breaks when I see people around me thinking that they are better than others simply b/c of their position or race or wealth, etc. I learned a long time ago that I can't change the whole world, but I have found myself praying each night that hopefully I can be an example to others with just my actions and that God gives me the strength to always keep that smile on my face b/c some days it is really very difficult!

In other news: Oh my, Miss Alexis is a talking machine! Jose Luis and I just sit back and watch her and interact with her with laughter and amazement. She is quite the handful and very independent. I love hearing the new phrases she comes up with daily. I just love her so much and am so lucky. Her new "thing" last week was saying, "I promise" after every request she has. She also is starting to get a sense of humor, for example she would call me "Papi" and just found it hilarious when I would tell her that I wasn't Papi, "Yo soy Mami"! It is so amazing to watch children's thought processes develop. I am just loving this time with her.

First day.

Tomorrow is my first day at my new job. I feel like a child on the first day of school: nervous but also a little excited. Now that I am part of the "working mom world" I hope that this job will allow me to be a better mother and wife than I have been. I am also super excited to be working in pediatrics, which is actually fun for me. I just have so many hopes for this job and am just praying that everything turns out to be the way I am envisioning.

Getting ready to go out and run some errands. I am so enjoying this wonderful weather. I will take 60's over 20's any day!

So hard.

I have the hardest time when I can't "fix" something. When I want to say the right words to make someone's hurt go away, I feel like I stumble. It is so fustrating. You know, I do pray. In some ways I feel I am not fully trusting in God when I keep worrying. One of my friends is having a difficult time and all I want to do is say something that will change it all and there will be no worries. Of course I also wish I had this same talent when it comes to talking to myself. God's will and plan is sometimes so difficult to see and understand. :(

New shoes.

I love shoes. That is not a hidden fact. I have tons-way more than I actually wear or need however, ONE day I will. You know the story?! There is something, though, about new tennis shoes. I am like a child. I bet you money that I can jump higher or run faster in them *if* I ever decided to jump or run that is! New tennis shoes just make me feel great. I love them. There is an extra bounce in my step today as I am breaking in my new pair for my new job. It has been awhile since I have purchased new tennis shoes as I actually don't wear them a lot. Much faster to slip into a pair of flats but at least for a few weeks I will enjoy my new sneakers and the good feeling they bring ;)

I am getting excited about my new job. Tomorrow will be my last day at my current job and I know it will be hard in some ways. I will miss the people I work with. I hope that I don't cry as I leave tomorrow-I'm such a dork like that. I really was blessed to have great co-workers for my first job after being a stay at home mom; they helped make the transition easier. I guess this is part of life allbeit a hard one :(

I'm a part of history.

I am very excited to watch the innauguration tomorrow. Do you realize what a great part of history we will all be? My grandchildren will listen to me in awe as I tell them about this election year. Whether you are for change or not (lol) you can't deny the fact, in my opinion, that our country is moving forward. We are no where near a level of acceptance I wish to see in my lifetime but man have we come a long way. I honestly get emotional thinking of the hope that exists for so many with the changes that are inevitably coming for our country. While I have beliefs that aren't 100% in line with all that is reported to be "in the works", I trust that God will continue to have his hand over our country and will allow that which He desires. I hope that my child will grow up in a world that is consistantly becoming more accepting and positive than mine, that we don't stifle our growth as a country.

*stepping off of soap box*

The other big news reported for tomorrow: POSSIBLE snow here in NC! If you peruse Facebook updates, pretty much every one is related to the forecast. Do I believe it? No. Did I go out and stock up on milk and bread? No. However, do I really really hope deep down that it snows? YES. So I will be up bright and early looking out the window praying to see mounds of white snow. I know Alexis would just have a blast out there and I would love a cozy day indoors with the family. We'll see....

Offsetting.

This is actually difficult for me to do; to out myself, if you will. I live in a semi-constant state of shame over one thing: I drive a big 'ole SUV. There I said it *ducking*. So, I live daily trying to offset this HUGE contribution to my carbon footprint. I am constantly exploring ways for us to save more energy. We cloth diaper and utilize freecycle to help eliminate waste. We are an all cloth house (napkins, towels, etc.) except for toilet paper, but that doesn't mean I haven't tried to convince Jose Luis to go to family cloth! I use reusable shopping bags. You get the point. I did these things prior to buying this vehicle but now feel that there is NO way I can ever let down my guard...haha.

All of this to try and make me somehow feel like I am offsetting the SUV. So, why drive it you may ask? First of all, let me say that I actually do like my vehicle and all the ammenities it offers. I can admit that. However, in choosing a vehicle my husband wanted to get the SUV because it can, and is, utilized often for our personal and business use. Yes (and another thing I should hang my head for..lol) I have had a trailer and even one time a mixer on the back of my Navigator! We do utilize it but I am currently researching getting a smaller vehicle if we can sell this one and then maybe get Luis another truck. The guilt is starting to eat away at me!


In other news, I felt so incredibly stupid when I got home yesterday and realized I purchased a Diet Cheerwine at the store for lunch and didn't even remember about the no caffeine thing. I don't know what I was thinking...bad habits die hard I suppose. I had a killer headache and felt like I was going to throw up last night but have no clue if the two are related. Oh well, damage done; we move on.

I could get used to this.

So today I got to go to the spa AGAIN! I had a wonderful day. We put my hair back to it's original dark brown color and then added deep, dark red hi-lites throughout. I am so pleased with my hair. Also am so pleased to have an "official" hairdresser. I have lived in Salisbury for a few years now and have not been able to find anyone. Such a nice feeling to have. Then I got to have a hot stone massage. Que rico! There is no better thing on earth...well yeah there are many things, but that makes it into the top 10 for me :)

I also got to go and get sized for the uniforms for my new job. That was so exciting-I love me some scrubs (am I weird or what?). I had to cut my trip short to make it to the spa but will be going back to make some purchases. It is so cool that they will be supplying all of my uniforms for me but I need to purchase at least one set to wear on my first day (plus we have some "free" days too). I found the perfect pair of purple pants!

Well we got lucky tonight b/c Ms. A decided to go down early so I get to go and have some time alone with my hubby. Buenas noches :)

Whew!

I am so very excited. I just accepted a position at a Pediatric office. I feel this is going to be a great move for me but let me tell you: I am such a wuss. Somehow I have been lucky enough to never have to quit a job b/c it was simply "a better move/fit for me." I have always either been going to school or moving far away; you know, excuses that you can't help. This time it is different and it was so hard on me. I seriously about had an anxiety attack. Why do I have a problem letting people down? All it ends up doing in the end is me trying to please everyone, failing miserably and then beating myself up over it. Such an easy problem to solve: just stop it. For some reason, though, I never quite do as I know I should. I finally got it out though and definitely felt better. It was almost an hour later when I was almost home and the swelling in my throat went away-I am not lying!

I will be starting my new job on the 26th. I'll keep you updated.

Eh.

Just feeling "eh" today. Want to feel excited but have so many thoughts about things to do and decisions to make that I really don't have a grip on any one thing at all. There is part of me that is energized for change. I am eating well and although I haven't weighed myself, can already tell that I am going down in lbs. (better than up!) and have managed to do some form of exercise each day. This has me feeling good about myself. I have started doing daily devotion time for myself. A time to just relax, pray and focus on making positive changes and choices daily.

On the other hand I have some decisions to make that don't fall in line with the "idea" I have had with regards to how things would be. Is that so bad? No, I don't have a problem with change (or a problem answering my own questions!). I just have a problem with trying to please everyone around me and when I don't 100% I beat myself up feeling like I have failed miserably. I wish I could change this about myself. I am working on ME with the mindset that if I do so I will be not only a better person, but a better wife and mother and friend. We'll see.

So for this moment, feeling a little "eh". Maybe when I take a shower and get out for the day things will change :)

5 days!

I have now been 5 days without caffeine! Can you believe it? Me, either. The headaches have now subsided. I feel like a complete idiot b/c as I was lamenting the complete loss of pop and my morning coffee I suddenly realized I could order a DE-CAF low-fat Caramel Macchiato! I have never exercised that option. I actually made sure I had some extra time this morning to stop at Starbucks on the way to work.

This is also the 5 day anniversary of "eating good." I have noticed that as each day has passed, the urge to snack is decreasing. This is such good news. Monday I ate well all day then was sooo hungry that night. I am so glad that I stuck with it though and am proud of myself. Now, just waiting on seeing some results! I am a non-weigher for the moment. Why do that to myself over and over? I have a pretty good idea of where I am at and am trying to hold off stepping on a scale; hoping to ward off the obsession of that as long as I can. I have also been exercising some each night. While it isn't anything grand or worthy of really speaking of, at least it is a committment to something. That's how I am choosing to view it anyways ;)

Baaaa!

I am a sheep; I am saying the same thing as everyone else. I am going to lose some weight this year! There I said it. I soooooo want this to happen for me. I went to the store earlier today and got all the makings of a healthy eating menu for the week. To be honest, I am so depressed over the fact that I haven't lost any of my baby weight from Alexis. She just turned 2 for goodness sake. It is pitiful. My poor husband. He won't admit it but I just know he thought that I would be leaving my fat butt behind at the hospital when we brought her home! Boy was he wrong.

I know that all it will take is some committment and dedication on my part and I am praying and hoping that since everyone else is doing it, so can I!! Wish me luck :)

It's triple time...

Oh the things that excite us as we age! I can truly say, though, that I do love the triple coupon events at Harris Teeter. I had all my little packets of 20 coupons together plus my little back-up piles should they be out of any items and my lists.

I got up quietly as to not wake Alexis and Jose Luis and arrived at my local HT at 7am (opening hr.). Miraculously the Coupon Nazi Managers weren't there this time so I got to go through with 2 orders. Oh I was high on life! My 2nd load was comprised of 24 Gerber Preschool meals...paid 20 cents! How can you not get a jump in your step when you get good deals like that???

I then met up with my friend at the HT in another town where we got an order, plus some good meat deals. Then we both traveled to another HT about 2 miles from there. I had a great time. It was also fun shopping with her, we must have went all over each store about 20 times: back and forth between aisles and sharing coupons. It was a blast!

I unfortunately made the horrible mistake of meeting my husband and father for lunch afterwards with my daughter who had been in a cart and truck all morning as she did NOT want to sit and enjoy a nice lunch! That was a stupid move on my part.